32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
