and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
