i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
