I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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