my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
