Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
