someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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