I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
