I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
