Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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