he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
