So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
