we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
