Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize