so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
