Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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