apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize