I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
