If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
