Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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