And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
