The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
