I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
