Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
