So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
