Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize