i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
