R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
time to smoke my breakfast
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
