The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
