I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
