she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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