I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
