I bet he comes in French.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
