I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
