my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
