Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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