i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
