I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
