Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
