I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
