This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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