he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
