I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
