youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
