Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
