hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
