I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
