**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
