I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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