My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
