it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
