I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
