i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
