woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
