she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
