I smell stomach acid.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
