so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
