let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
