She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize