before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
