There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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