I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
