i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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