There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
