Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
