i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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