If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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