mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
