I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
