I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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