somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
