she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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