Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
