i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
