Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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