either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
