3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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