i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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