I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
